cloudy nights since new moon
cloudy thoughts.... not bad
just not perceiving the messages i know are there
20th March, 22:48
first sighting since dark moon
first clear night.... also
some tentative insight
21st March, 22:32
I'm sure the things that hurl themselves to the forefront of our consciousness at our moontime, however unreasonable/irrational/unconnected they may seem afterwards, relate to issues in our past that need healing. If we recognise this, our moontime gives the opportunity for deep healing.
Just sitting quietly... maybe lighting a candle, maybe out in the moonlight... sending loving healing energy through the ethers... back along the web of life, back along the strands of time... back to where these feelings arise. We don't have to know when or where or what caused these feelings. Just the intention that healing go back to where it started helps.... gradually dissolving the clouds of unreason, hurt, doubt.... Be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself... take time for yourself, your past self, past generations of women in your family line.
A couple of weeks ago i wrote
"I'm displaying characteristics of both my grandmothers that I once resented. I don't want my children & future grandchildren to resent or fear the way I react to what they say or do.
Maybe that is part of the answer... Buried resentment? Forgotten fears? Latent hurt at unintentional (or maybe intentional) reactions from my grandmothers?"
The fact that I mentioned my grandmothers in my "unreason" keeps floating into my mind. There is a connection there, something to intuit from this that i am only just beginning to grasp... still more to see.
We carry the dna of our grandmothers, and they of theirs... memories of past emotions carried forward through the generations... the healing i weave back through time must also travel to my children & forward to theirs, yet unconceived...
There are also issues from my life... i find myself remembering unreasonable outbursts, opinions, reactions from my parents & grandparents towards me as a child (in my opinion back then!) Just snapshots of scenes & remember the hurt or confusion I felt then... I let the healing flow, not to change, but to repair the scratches & scars to my child-self's vulnerable emotional system... and to my children...
I also see flashes of times i have caused hurt... to my mother, to my children.... let the healing flow...