Friday, 23 April 2010

21st april, 20:33

wave of pain
cold sweat

It would be so easy to curl up, not move, indulging the pain &  encourage misery... so easy. Instead I walk... out in the air, up to the little wood, seeking solace in the arms of nature. I didn't notice it stop. But breathing fresh air & looking at the hedges & sky, listening to birds.... it went... as quickly as the moon darts from behind a cloud. How much of it is self-created? How much is what we are conditioned to expect?

Yesterday was a headachey day.... I'm not used to headaches, rarely get them... but a couple of of times lately they have preceded my period. I never had them as a teenager, but I distinctly remember a friend telling me that she always had them during her periods. Guess what? I had a couple of months with headaches. I remember thinking then, that I hadn't had them until I'd heard about someone else. That was the first time I became aware of my body being open to suggestion, I think. A glimpse of awareness. I never had them again. Still had stomach cramps though until I went on the pill!

For a long time I have never known which will be the day I start... it comes when it comes. I know i have vocalised the thought that it might be good to have some warning... also, friends have been talking about 'the change' & how they are affected. Have i just been picking up their suggestions? Have I given my body permission to afflict me with headaches to warn me? Lets see how this awareness goes... 

  21st april, 21:31

same moon, an hour later
different focus
same woman, an hour later
pain vanished

How much of this is how we look at things
& adjust our focus of what is there?

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