18th june, 22:08
Lately my moon-time misery has been non-existant. I think I have had one briefest thought a month that has made me wonder if i'm due on, or in hind-sight I've recognised the reason for some trifling impatience. Which is as it should be.... more like me.
But I miss writing here. I have plenty of ideas involving the moon & creativity, the way she affects us in general, or I could just post photographs. But for some reason I don't want to fill this place with other 'stuff'. It's a little sacred space away from the crowds where I can retreat when I feel the need. And of course anyone who happens by is welcome.
I have been musing over whether to start another 'tara' blog... one that i can feel more sociable with. I do write elsewhere too, and some may wonder why i would want another outlet. Whereas some manage to combine all aspects of their life successfully in one place, I've realised I feel better putting similar things together... it helps me focus, as well as acting like a form of filing system. I've a butterfly brain at times, flitting from flower to flower... resting on one for a while before moving on to taste another favourite nectar. Ideas are forming... we'll see.
28th june, 05:45
And just when it seems I have no pmt grumbles I had a bout of tearful unreasonableness. Winding myself up to believe that my man 'expects' me to be a certain type of person... in reality he does nothing but encourage me to be 'me', he really can not understand anyone pretending to be something else, and would be hurt & angry to think I felt that way. Where did all that come from? A day of biting my tongue & fighting back tears, knowing I was being waspish but unable to stop my self. I can't talk about it at the time without feeling even more badly done-to and going into attack mode. Luckily, we both know me, so no damage was done... but I don't like the feeling... it doesn't really feel like a natural part of me. It's like something else drives me.
That was last week... it dawned on me that it was coming up to dark moon... again... I really must be ready for it next time. If the pattern repeats I could be quite touchy the next couple of months. Hopefully I can be ready to look at the issues that may arise. I don't believe that it is a given that women should suffer like this, but I am curious about what drives these emotions. I have my theories... genetics, culture, patriarchal society, diet... these are pretty well accepted... and I want to look deeper at the astrological aspect, especially as I move towards menopause. This article 'the astrology of menopause' caught my attention Interesting times ahead!