Insights on a New Moon

cloudy nights since new moon

cloudy thoughts.... not bad

just not perceiving the messages i know are there

20th March, 22:48

first sighting since dark moon

first clear night.... also

some tentative insight

21st March, 22:32

I'm sure the things that hurl themselves to the forefront of our consciousness at our moontime, however unreasonable/irrational/unconnected they may seem afterwards, relate to issues in our past that need healing. If we recognise this, our moontime gives the opportunity for deep healing.

Just sitting quietly... maybe lighting a candle, maybe out in the moonlight... sending loving healing energy through the ethers... back along the web of life, back along the strands of time... back to where these feelings arise. We don't have to know when or where or what caused these feelings. Just the intention that healing go back to where it started helps.... gradually dissolving the clouds of unreason, hurt, doubt.... Be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself... take time for yourself, your past self, past generations of women in your family line.

A couple of weeks ago i wrote

 "I'm displaying characteristics of both my grandmothers that I once resented. I don't want my children & future grandchildren to resent or fear the way I react to what they say or do.

Maybe that is part of the answer... Buried resentment? Forgotten fears? Latent hurt at unintentional (or maybe intentional) reactions from my grandmothers?"

The fact that I mentioned my grandmothers in my "unreason" keeps floating into my mind. There is a connection there, something to intuit from this that i am only just beginning to grasp... still more to see.

We carry the dna of our grandmothers, and they of theirs... memories of past emotions carried forward through the generations... the healing i weave back through time must also travel to my children & forward to theirs, yet unconceived...

There are also issues from my life... i find myself remembering unreasonable outbursts, opinions, reactions from my parents & grandparents towards me as a child  (in my opinion back then!) Just snapshots of scenes & remember the hurt or confusion I felt then... I let the healing flow, not to change, but to repair the scratches & scars to my child-self's vulnerable  emotional system... and to my children...

I also see flashes of times i have caused hurt... to my mother, to my children.... let the healing flow...

 11th march, 07:18

Dark moon approaches, a time for introspection

Sink into the darkness, a time for deep reflection

Consumed the statutory bar of chocolate last night.... a large huge one. That time draws near, maybe another week, probably less. I vary. Perhaps being aware & on my guard will help. No more chocolate now that i've realised (at least that's my theory). I'm better if I don't eat it at all, but knowing that doesn't stop me, reason doesn't always enter into it. 

she wanes.... dissolving pain & anxiety

Being Grounded (or not, as the case may be)

It's incredibly hard to even explain my feelings of last weekend now... the things that bothered me seem petty & trivial somehow. I intended writing a little about the things that cropped up over the last 3 or 4 months, but there's no way I can recall that mindset now. Which is good, I think, but there are issues i need, want, to follow up and ensure they are dissolved.

she hides... light diffused by cloud and tree
hurt, unreason diffused
create new patterns of energy

Some years ago I went through a similar phase of moon-time madness. At that point I had recently discovered my ability to 'connect' with energy, and was frequently tripping off in my mind to other worlds. My head was in the stars & my pmt focussed on my partner... for a couple of days I'd be working out our break-up & as quickly as the feeling arrived, it vanished. During one episode, a friend & Reiki Master mentioned I seemed spacey & suggested I needed to ground myself... bingo!

Consciously grounding myself when the feelings began to arise worked, and I learned to catch myself sooner each time. I wonder if that is what is needed now? I think so. I should know this.... but we shall see what happens. If so, this account may grind to a halt before it's barely got underway, lol.

she glows...